When one parent works from home full-time it takes some effort on everyone’s part to make it successful — after all, in our house it is what allows the kids to have relaxing school breaks versus being in camps full time. I’m super grateful that I can solely support my family, and my husband is the best stay-at-home-dad on the planet. They all do a great job of keeping busy, but they also deserve some downtime at home to spend time with friends, each other, and after the holidays, some new toys and gadgets.

I thought I’d list a few tricks that work for us and help me maintain that work/life balance during school breaks.

1. Expect an Adjustment Period – Going from a completely quiet house for a solid 7 hours each day, to having 3 people (plus friends) there a lot of the time takes some getting used to on everyone’s part. I let them know each morning when I have calls scheduled, and those that are with clients and therefore need a little more privacy. Often they’ll work errands or outings into these times to leave the house a bit quieter. When the children are feeling rambunctious, I plug the headphones in and am glad if I’m not on the phone!
   

   Allowing access to the home office can be a slippery slope. Image credit: http://cedricstudio.blogspot.com/2005/08/speed-bump.html

2. Don’t Judge - I think I do a pretty good job of not telling my husband what to do with his time just because I happen to be there. He also is a fan of lists and constructive things to do-it turns out he’s quite handy! He usually has a running list of normal everyday things that need to get done like laundry, dishes, etc. But, when I do catch him laying on the couch watching 90210, I don’t judge. I truly believe he has the more difficult job between the two of us, and kudos to him for taking a break when he needs one.
3. Don’t Schedule Time for the Other - My husband wouldn’t dream of scheduling activities for my precious evening free-time, so if there is an activity or camp I think the kids would like, I run it by him first. Even with carpooling, shuttling kids around requires logistics and can be tiring. I like to make sure it’s how all of them want to spend their time.
4. Remind Yourself Why it Works - I keep a list next to my desk of the things that I love about working from home. When things get hectic, or it’s a particularly long day in the office, I refer to it to keep me grounded where I need to be in that moment: at work!
5. Have Fun – One of my favorite evening activities is to pack a quick dinner of sandwiches, fruit, chips and drinks and head to the pool. When we arrive at about 5:30 many people are leaving after an afternoon of fun, and the lines for slides and diving boards are typically shorter. I focus on the kids, re-connect and share about our days, and keep cool in the process. If I was commuting even 30 minutes, these trips would be difficult, as the pool does eventually close each evening!

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In the process of doing what is best for my family I’ve also become the primary wage earner, and take care of the family finances. Most of the time I like this role and know it is best for us right now. But, I also know that I need help sometimes and have grown less afraid to ask for it. And that’s what it is, growth. Becoming stronger in mind and body and doing what is best for myself and my family. It’s a constant learning process to make myself take the time I need, and I come back to them so much better for having taken it.

I’m a morning person, although my mom would probably argue differently based on my high school years. I start my day at the gym when a lot of people are still sleeping. This time on a treadmill, eliptical, or in spinning class is just for me and feels so indulgent and selfish. Sometimes I stare into space and listen to my iPod at a very loud volume. The one thing I’m not interested in is socializing. I have wonderful friends, and of course there is always room for more. But this is my time and I’ve found that it’s vital to my health to stay inside of my own head and concentrate on the hard work required for the body part of the strength I seek.

My daughter started a tradition a couple of years ago as she started staying up later and later, while growing and growing. She comes downstairs because, “[she] just wants to say goodnight one more time.” In one of those precariously balanced moments I thought about this tradition as my husband and I paused our conversation (for the umpteenth time that day). I said to him, “she won’t do this when she’s a teenager.” And we agreed right then, it’s a good idea to keep her close, and be in that moment because we’ll always be able to finish our conversation, someday.

While I’ve been absent from the blogging world, the wonderful people at TodaysMama are kind enough to let me come back and write when I’m ready. And that’s another thing that’s just for me, while I wait for her to come back and say good night, “one more time.”

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A little over a year ago I left a secure job with a mostly government funded research institution. It was fun, solid, and the research and development work performed there makes the world a better a place. But, I was stuck. Two feet stuck in some deep mud, and despite the size of the corporation, I didn’t know how to dig myself out. I needed a new challenge, a place where I could grow my brain, my career and spread my wings with all of the technical skills I had acquired.

I dove head first into the start up world with so much energy and vigor, that I don’t think they knew what to do with me.  I really enjoyed the pace of work, the urgency with which we approached the smallest of problems, and how quickly they were fixed. Just over a year later I was laid off, and my position eliminated.   It wasn’t until I caught up on sleep for a week or so and started back at the gym regularly that I realized how stressed I was. As my friend so eloquently put it, “We’re not taking donor organs to the recipients!”

A month later I was gainfully employed again, with the help of a recruiter. (She told me that in technical fields the unemployment rate is only about 3% in Colorado. I canceled two interviews the week I accepted the job offer). As a new employee, I’ve jumped in with both feet and am doing my best, working hard and sharing my ideas. Good friends told me, “Everything happens for a reason…” or at least, “Hopefully this is one of those cases where you find something you like more than the old job…” after I lost my job. I was very reluctant to even listen to these anecdotes, and in my mind was threatening to walk away from the next person to offer one. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why I did not want to hear this.

It turns out that I felt good about the work I was doing, and was hurt to be asked not to do it anymore. I cared about my job! I was no longer making the world a better place, no matter how hard I tried to justify Internet advertising versus atmospheric science and aviation safety. But, I put a lot of effort and heart into my work and did my best. Using what sounded like a cop out was unfathomable to me.

I’m only a few weeks into the new job, but I can’t help but think this was the reason. I’m stretching my professional wings, doing good work once again, and have a fabulous work-life balance due to the ability to work from home and eliminate the 1 hour commute when I need to. Starting a new job is always stressful, and there are definitely those days, and the learning is curve is steep. But, isn’t that just what I asked for?

So, the next time a friend is out of work, I’ll let them know they may not believe it, but everything does happen for a reason.

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For most of the last 20 months I’ve used it to text my husband when I was on my way home (on the bus, no texting and driving for me), do some reading via the Kindle app, surf the web, and read some email. I rarely used it to talk on the phone, and most of the time missed incoming calls because I didn’t hear the ring, or didn’t know how to quit what I was doing and accidentally hung up on the caller. I was also working at a company immersed in social media and it was important to keep up with the various outlets.

Fast forward to a month ago when I was laid off from that job. While feverishly looking for the next thing, I rely on my phone more than ever, and often times the phone part of it. My children absolutely love the fact that I’m home and take full advantage of it. I’m suddenly in charge of school drop off and pickup, play date coordination, homework (and everything else I did previously minus a very stressful job). The phone is essential to not miss calls from potential employers, emails from recruiters, and to use for impromptu phone interviews when I’m supervising the evening cul-de-sac session.

So, when did this email-checker, web surfer thingy become such a great phone?

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A few weeks ago we bought a bushel of roasted Ananheim Chiles from a local farm at our neighborhood farmer’s market. Last summer we bought a few quarts, and that lasted us until the middle of a very long winter. This year I wanted more, mostly to make my own sauces for the southwestern and Mexican food my family loves to eat. I’ve always wanted to know what a bushel of something looks like, and even better to ask for, “a bushel” of just about anything. I did get one strange look from a farmer and then he said, “you know that’s a lot, right? And pricey!” For me, spending $30 on something that keeps us warm, nourished, and happy all winter is not even close to “pricey. ”

This is what a bushel of roasted peppers looks like.

It was a ton of work preparing them for the freezer, and the one big recommendation I have here, is don’t rinse them to wash the seeds out. Anaheims are not that spicy, and the running water also washes away most of the roasted goodness. I simply peel off most of the black skin (and bits remain which provide a lot of flavor), remove the stem and as many seeds as I can and put them in zip top bags to be loaded into the freezer.

Ready and waiting to keep us warm all winter.

I occasionally participate in Daring Cooks Challenges, and had tried the Green Chile Sauce from this recipe and really liked it. The only change I made was to run the immersion blender through the sauce when it was done. I froze many containers of this magical sauce, and that is one step toward doing it all. Anytime we want to make enchiladas, smothered burritos, or a casserole involving tortillas, a container of magic sauce comes out of the freezer.

Another trick I’ve been using is to make a pasta dish for the kids on Sunday nights. Homemade Macaroni and Cheese, Pesto Cavatappi, or Jambalaya can solve almost any witching hour dilemma, and each is a nice break from hot dogs and quesadillas. Now, can you all get my daughter to put more effort into her homework?

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Practicing for the big day.

My nine-year-old daughter asked the most awesome question the other day, “Mom, if ABBA ever comes to Colorado can we go see them?” I thought about it and answered with a resounding, “Yes!” And, I meant it.

She discovered ABBA when she was looking for background music for a jump rope routine  in the school talent show last year. She selected “Dancing Queen” and throughout her rehearsals learned all of the words to that, and many other songs on the album. Recently she’s downloaded the whole album to her iPod and listens to it almost constantly.

Sharing these types of events is something I’ve been looking forward to as a parent, and watching her interests develop into something we can share is a far cry from the first concert we attended, The Wiggles. Now, I do like The Wiggles and they have provided hours of entertainment at our nightly dance parties. However, ABBA is a giant step forward!

Shortly after we bought our house near an airport that houses a company providing steady skydiving business directly over our neighborhood, my daughter asked if she could go skydiving. That’s right, at the young age of 3 she was ready to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. After a quick, reassuring phone call we discovered that a parent is not allowed to send their child catapulting out of a perfectly good airplane, probably for many reasons. Right then, she decided that when she’s 18, and free from our rules, she would like to go skydiving. I told her this sounds like a wonderful high school graduation/off to college gift, and we made a family pact to go together; and I meant it.

I learned early on that it’s okay as a parent to think before I answer, and even to say, “I need time to think about that” as a short term answer to any question the kids ask. Of course there was a learning curve to this process, and many poor decisions were made in the process. But, I’ve learned with major events like skydiving that I mean what I say, and as long as I’m physically able, I’ll absolutely take her skydiving when she’s old enough. I might show other signs of old age on the way out of the plane, but I’m sure the wind suits are washable.

Someone once asked me why I wanted to have kids, and I didn’t have a specific answer, other than that I liked other peoples’ kids, and it was something I always knew I wanted to do. I think watching their interests and goals align with mine, is probably one of the most rewarding things about being a parent. And ABBA, please reunite and play a show in Colorado!

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He has plenty of bikes, so the best gift is a break to ride one of them.

At least it should be that way in my household, as we’re always striving for balance, not only in work versus home life, but also in chores versus spouse. I’ve mentioned before that my husband has taught me a thing or two about cleaning, and because of this, and the fact that he works part-time versus my full-time schedule, he does a lot of the cleaning. He vacuums, dusts, mops, pulls weeds, keeps the garage clean , does dishes, and, and… Each day I arrive home from work and with very few exceptions, the house is cleaner and more picked up than when I left that morning. He cooks me breakfast, lets me leave my dishes in the sink, helps me pack my lunch, and all with a smile and a big kiss!

I do my part, mostly bathrooms and kitchen, although he’ll do these as well. A couple of years ago I figured out that one of the best presents I can give him is to clean the house.  This weekend I’ve scheduled alone time, if that is what he chooses, the opportunity to run a race in the mountains, and one of his favorite meals. What he doesn’t know is that I also plan on cleaning whenever he is out so that when he returns home, he can relax, both mentally and physically!

But really, I do these things every day, in little ways. And in this way, there is value in the typical roles being reversed. I know how difficult his job of staying home with the kids is, because I’ve done it. I know how frustrating it is to pick up toys all day long only to have them spread out again when you turn around. And he knows how harsh the corporate world can be, that office politics suck, and that I’m tired from sitting at a computer all day. We’ve always shown love in little [some would say] mundane ways like, me having the coffee ready each morning followed by his ‘thank you’,  go further than flowers. Me emptying the dishwasher while he’s still in bed one morning is a gift that can’t be bought in a store. Happy Father’s Day, to my best friend!

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This article by Amelia Maness-Gilliland stresses that the balance we strive for is a verb, and can be ever-changing. I wholeheartedly agree with this, but for my family the hard part is rolling with the punches the tough times throw at us. My husband and I have always marveled at the waves in our relationship since the very beginning, and how we’re able to roll with them, surf them, and sometimes even duck-dive through them. As more stress is added to the equation, and the short people are involved, it’s a lot more difficult to handle these stressful times.

Balance, at its finest.

Some coping mechanisms that I use are listed, and hopefully you’ll add some of your own in comments.

• Take care of yourself and make sure you get enough sleep. Try to avoid the ugly cycle of too much caffeine by day, and little sleep at night.
• This is the week to use the convenience foods stashed in the freezer, or if you’ve been really good, leftovers from batch cooking.
• Bury yourself in your work while you’re there. It’s what you’re being paid for, and really helps to escape the stress going on at home.
• Talk, communicate, talk and talk some more. Clamming up isn’t good for anyone, especially the problems at hand.
• Remember, this too shall pass.

When we were setting up the campsite in Rocky Mountain National Park, as we unfolded the tent I told my husband that the smoky, musty smell was relaxing to me. He knew exactly what I meant, and this is why we are best friends. I need to start planning our next trip to calm my mind, and get that smell in my head once again.

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And all of that makes me crave a road trip, if just for the time in the car on the way to the campground, to talk with each other, play silly games, and listen to good music. If we’re lucky enough that the kids fall asleep it’s a chance for Rob and I to actually talk and listen to each other about frivolous things like the latest music he’s found, or what I forgot to pack. I try to stay away from serious topics and pretend we’re on a lengthy vacation away from the real world. Of course it would be nice to not have the forgotten items to talk about, so that makes this week pretty busy. We have camping down to a process at our house because we love to do it. And our vehicle and its accessories are well suited for road trips.

Still, even the shortest and closest trips require a fair amount of planning (ask me about the time I forgot the kids’ pajamas, or the only warm clothes I packed were way

too small. Or the most recent time when I forgot E’s shoes because we scooped kids out of bed and into the car at 0:dark:30).  It will be another busy week, but onewith such a great reward.

Exploring the shores of Grand Lake, CO

The kids also look forward to these trips for my undivided attention. There is no work, email, phone, or neighbors to distract us, and only playing and exploring to accomplish. One of the reasons we chose this area to live is the multitude of outdoor activities as close as 45 minutes away. Tonight the plan is to restock the camping boxes with anything that’s been used up, or gone missing. And possibly bake these gems from The Brown Eyed Baker. Camping is such a great excuse to have roasted marshmallows for the fun, and a cookie for the convenience, all in one night! Tell me, do you like to camp?  If not camping, how does your family reward itself and recharge the batteries?

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Homemade and decorated Valentine's Day cookies

"Sushi" for April Fool's Day. Recipe courtesy of familyfun.com

But organize a large group of parents and kids? I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole! A woman I know who does this quite well comes to mind, and she completely amazes me. Not only are her organizational and delegation skills top notch, but she looks completely relaxed as  each event goes off without a hitch.

The real, and secret (sshhh!) reason I could never fulfill this role is that I’m too selfish. I crave time for me more than chocolate (and that’s a lot!). If I did not work outside of our home I would be off on long trail runs most of the day, or hiking trails longer than the kids’ leg muscles will withstand. I would do the errands as soon as the kids were off to school to avoid the crowds. But making multiple round trips to the school in one day? That would not be in the plan.

Those who can do this amaze me, and I’m probably a bit jealous. You see, until my daughter was born, I always thought I would be a stay at home mom. My resume is full of experience working with kids, including the requisite babysitting jobs starting at the age of 12, and becoming a nanny during college. In my mind back then, the  only option for me  was to stay home, and I truly believed that was best for my future children. As my husband’s and my careers unfolded, and we chose Boulder, Colorado to live, it became apparrent that this plan would not work. We were both able to work part-time early on, and we’ve learned that was a rare luxury.

So, I went from thinking I would be that, organized, planning, delegating room mom, to using precious vacation days to volunteer in the classroom. And, most days I’m happy with this decision. And, I’m lucky that my job is flexible enough that I can still attend the important classroom activities, but I leave the organizing to the folks who are best at it! As the school year wound down and I was attending some of these activities, I was talking to The Room Mom and searching for a subject of conversation. I learned that she treats her volunteer position as a job, complete with preparing the teacher’s lunch for the picnic we were attending. I think it takes a pretty amazing person to do all of this, and I’m happy my kids and I have a great example, should they decide to follow it.

She's happy to see me at the end of the day.

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